I am horrible at asking for help.
Maybe it’s a pride thing, I guess. I don’t really know. I am a very private person when it comes to certain things. I just have hard time with it. I mean, let’s be real….When we ask another person how we can help them , what would we do if they answered us with what they TRULY needed?
“I need $220,969.65 to pay off all of my bills/debt and not worry about losing my house and where my next meal will come from for me and my family. Ok? Thanks!”
What would you do?!
I, (personally), would probably look shocked and then most likely speechless and but then blurt out some kind of scripture like Philippians 4:19, “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory through Christ Jesus.”
BUT, when someone asks me what can they do for me, deep down I know what I really want to answer, but a lot of the time I will give the usual, “Nothing! We are good!” speech followed with an over- exaggerated smile. Every now and then , I may finally give in and tell them a tiny portion of what I need, but that’s as far as it goes. No need to let the walls down, right?! After all, I am supposed to be the strong one! I am supposed to be the one that others can come to for help…that’s my heart! I love, love, love to help others! You need groceries? I will either buy you some or grab some from my two pantries I have. You need a hot meal? I got you, Boo. You need a ride somewhere? I’ll be your chauffeur! After all, everything I have comes from my Heavenly Father anyway….Genesis 12:2 says He will bless us so we can be a blessing!
So what happens when I am the one needing the help?
I will never forget the time that the Lord tested me in this. My husband had just had a relapse due to his brain injury, and he had been hospitalized for almost five days. Our world was totally turned upside down even more, if that’s possible. Up until then, he had been working full-time still, pushing through all the pain, and meds, and therapies, trying to return to “normal”, but his body just simply gave up. No more. He literally fell out in our kitchen. DONE.
People within our church began to rally around us. There was one day in particular though where two separate families came and brought groceries. So much so that I literally had no more room in both of my refrigerators and freezers! Praise God! Then came the text message….
“What else can we do to help?”
STRAIGHT PANIC MODE.
Deep down, I knew what I really needed help with! My yard, which is almost an acre. And on a hill.
Seems silly, huh?
That’s when the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, “Tell her about your yard.”
“Um, NO, Lord.”
“Tell her about your yard.”
“UM, NO, LORD….That is silly!!! What can she do about my yard?!”
The walls I had so carefully built around my heart began to slowly break apart into little pieces. I was reluctant (and a tad embarrassed), but I replied back and told my friend that I really need help with my yard, as in mowing, edging, cleaning, etc…the worst part is that we didn’t have any yard equipment! We had been PAYING for yard service because at the time, we could afford it and it took one less thing off of my husbands plate.
My sweet friend said, “Ok”…and that was it.
Two hours later she texted me back.
“Ok. Your yard will be taken care of. I have people lined up to come over every two weeks to mow and edge and clean it until the end of the year.”
YA’LL…it was APRIL. She got on the phone and found volunteers to help us UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR.
I was bawling. More little pieces of the walls around my heart were coming down even more.
God cared about my grass.
He knew she would be able to help meet THAT SPECIFIC NEED!
It seemed so incredibly SILLY to me, to tell her what I honestly needed help with! But look at what the Lord DID! Ephesians 3:20…”exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond all that we can think ask or imagine!”
I will never, ever forget that moment. To this day, I love to share the story of how God showed me that He cared about my grass, and this was over two years ago that this happened. Since then, the Lord continues to pour out on me and my family, providing and showing up in ways I would never have imagined. Yes, there are lots of times where cupboards are empty and money is sparse around here….and I begin to cry and beg and plead for Him to not let us fall. But, at always the right time, He sends another reminder…just last week it was in the way of a person who had no clue about a situation my husband and I have been specifically praying about.
I sat in their living room floor, with my face hidden in my shirt, crying once again, because my Heavenly Father shows me that he still does care about my “grass”.